


Distance

by Fluerdumal



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Online Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24440212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluerdumal/pseuds/Fluerdumal
Summary: Two boys desperately chasing their dreams. No matter how futile it seems.
Relationships: Oukawa Kohaku/Shiratori Aira
Comments: 14
Kudos: 48





	Distance

They met on a message board two years ago.

It was a site he definitely shouldn’t have entered, but somehow the flow of web links had brought him there. Almost like “fate.” A pathetic place where people went to complain. If he thought about it that way, then wasn’t his a depressing destiny?

[Hey, if your whole life was made for one purpose, and it’s something you can’t do, is it still worth it to live?]

It was a post made by the handle “Rabu.” And no matter what he did, Kohaku couldn’t get it out of his head. There were a few largely ignored comments telling OP to cheer up, that things got better, that there’s always a way, ect. ect. The same empty platitudes he recognized all too well. He tried shutting down the computer, going for a walk. The empty hallways of his family’s mansion felt like they closed in around his throat. He couldn’t stop thinking about those words.

And so he had returned to his room and opened the computer back up. And made an account.

[What are you, an idiot? If it’s our rightful place, then we just have to fight harder to take it!]

He didn’t realize his breathing was uneasy until after he had pushed send. Why had he done that, he wondered. It was just a stupid chatroom. It was just a random stranger who didn’t matter at all. 

[You’re right. This is my dream. ♡ I will be an idol, no matter what! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧]

The message came so quickly Kohaku almost thought it was a fluke. The OP hadn’t responded to anyone else’s advice. And what was this suddenly about becoming an idol?

Idols…

For a moment a rumor he had heard popped into his head. About how his cousin, the Suou family heir, also had such ambitions. Though they hadn’t seen each other in years, Kohaku remembered his airy smile as he had taken his hand and dragged him through the park and past the trees to a wide, flowery clearing. _“We’ll be safe here, cousin. They won’t find you. And look at this Splendid picnic I had the servants prepare.”_

Noble, mature, carefree Tsukasa. Always perfect at everything he did.

For Kohaku, someone like that was already an idol.

_It must be nice, being able to follow your dream…_

He thought those words before he began to type. 

[What’s so good about being an idol anyways?]

Apparently that was the wrong question to ask. Suddenly this thread about not wanting to live spiraled into an obscene tangent about all the wonderful properties of idols and how they could change the world and bring smiles to everyone’s faces. Even though this OP was obviously unhinged, Kohaku couldn’t help but continue to respond.

[You talk about idols as though they’re these perfect beings, but what about that famous incident with that Akehoshi-han? Don’t you think it’s dangerous to give them so much credit?]

[No way!! (๑ १д१) Even now I believe in Akehoshi no matter what! ♡♡♡ It was really too bad but in my heart I just can’t accept he would betray us! I still don’t!!! ( ੭ ˃̣̣̥ ㅂ˂̣̣̥)੭ु]

And somehow, like that, things continued deep into the night. Kohaku wondered if he would get yelled at for being on the computer too long, but no one ever came. Probably because he wasn’t even worth the effort of being scolded.

[Hey, I have to log off now, but if you want, I wouldn’t mind chatting again.]

[Sure! ♡ DM me anytime! I still haven’t told you about the legend of Sagami yet! ♡～٩( ˃́▿˂̀ )۶～♡]

That night Kohaku laid in his bed, staring into the blackness of his ceiling. That Rabu guy had ended up being so passionate about idols. Could a fanboy like him really hope to become one? 

_Idols…sparkling god-like beings who can bring smiles to the world._  
_Rabu-han…I hope your dream comes true._

At least then that would make one of them.

Things carried on like that for a time. Whenever he could spare a moment Kohaku would log onto the message board and there would always be a new reply from Rabu waiting for him.

“You seem to be in a good mood these days, Kohaku.” His mother would say, her expression when looking at him as distant as the stars. “If you have time to indulge yourself, you have time to improve yourself. Don’t forget who you are. And the life we have given you.”

“Yes, mother…” 

As if he could ever forget.

Rabu could chase his dream, let it carry him away like petals floating through the wind. While Kohaku…  
He could dream, but it would never take him anywhere. Even from the start he knew it was futile. And there was no tempest strong enough to bring him over the high mansion walls.

[Hey…today was kind of bad. Do you mind if I vent a bit?]

Kohaku blinked, hardly believing the message that was waiting for him. Even though he had first met Rabu on that desolate board, for the most part, he had never seen that inner darkness resurface. The Rabu he had gotten to know was full of heart icons and exclamation marks. The youthful energy of having something to believe in, and chasing that belief with all your might.

[Sure. What is it?]

[Oh, it’s not too important. I just got rejected again, haha. The judge said my coordination was so terrible even if I hired the best teacher in all Japan they wouldn’t be able to save me.]

Kohaku didn’t know what to reply.

[Even worse, I couldn’t keep my head after that at all! I broke down crying in front of everyone. Haha, that was pretty pathetic of me, wasn’t it? Now I can never show my face there again. I wonder how many more times that will happen until I have no more bridges left to burn?]

And then he went silent. For a long time. Kohaku guessed that he was finished, but he still didn’t know what to say.

[Hey, Rabu-han, it will be okay.]

The same empty platitudes the others had offered him that time. The same words Kohaku knew would have no effect. The words he knew were useless. But his fingers continued to type them anyways.

[It was just one audition, surely the next time will go better.]

[There you go with that ‘han’ again. It means you’re from Kansai, right? So far away…]

[What? No I’m not.]

Augh, his parents had always warned him to be careful when talking to strangers! Had he messed up again? It sunk in that he didn’t know Rabu at all, not really. He was just a stranger he talked to a few times a day about idols and life.

[I wish I lived closer to you. I wish we could meet IRL. At least then I would have someone…]

And now he wanted to meet!? The mood was changing so quickly and Kohaku panicked. He didn’t know how he was supposed to handle this person, how he could make him feel better, how he was supposed to relate to someone he knew nothing about. This was a mistake. A fantasy he had run towards because in the twisted labyrinth of the Oukawa home there was nowhere else to run. Nothing but empty hallways surrounded by the tallest walls. And at the center a hopeless truth.

_I should have never been born—_

Kohaku slammed close the laptop and fled. _“An Oukawa never cries.”_ But he couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes. Maybe he would run into one of his parents. Maybe they would yell at him for being such a waste. But there was no one. Because he wasn’t even worth the effort to scold.

Weeks passed, and every day Kohaku felt a little bit less whole. Like he was a box of sweets that were being eaten one by one. But what else was new? That was his “destiny” after all. To continue play-acting the perfect son that he could never be. The computer had become a source of anxiety and shame. He had abandoned Rabu just like that, just when he needed him most. He could try and convince himself that he was a stranger who didn’t matter all he wanted, but in his chest the hole continued to grow.

_I’m the worst…_

Maybe the thing that had scared him that day wasn’t the realization that Rabu was a stranger or that he had messed up and put himself and his family at risk. If anything, even if there was someone after him, it’s not like they would have much of a chance unless they were an expert who could sneak past the Oukawa’s top-tier security.

No. The thing he had run from was a different kind of realization. Of the things Rabu had written. And of the things they had left unsaid.

And so he finally couldn’t help himself.

_45 unread messages!?_

Kohaku could scarcely believe the number was real. But when he opened up his inbox, there they all were. All from…Rabu.

[Where did you go?]  
[Please come back.]  
[I promise I won’t bore you with my stupid life stories anymore.]

[I’m sorry.]

Kohaku looked at that last message, his chest once more starting to burn. And he replied.

[Do you remember how we first met? You posted that depressing topic and I responded harshly. Yet I was the only one you responded to. I’ve always wondered why.]

He didn’t realize how hard he was breathing until he had pushed send. Though now all there was left to do was wait.

“Oh, Kohaku? You’re on that computer again? The fact you waste so much time on that thing is why your grades can never catch up to your sister’s.”

His mother, walking by the room, had caught him. But she was right. As always.

“I’m sorry, mother. Please forgive me.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that he had both the time and willpower to check the message board. And, of course, there was a reply waiting.

[Waaah! I’m so happy! ♡♡♡ You responded! ۹(ÒہÓ)۶ Oh no, you must think I’m a creep. I didn’t mean to send all those messages! I’m so sooooooorry!!!! I was just worried, that’s all. ヽ(●ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ●)ﾉﾟ]

Seeing the flood of kaomoji and hearts, Kohaku couldn’t help but smile. Yes. This was the Rabu he had come to know. Who found the light in every instance no matter what. Who always stood back up when he fell.

[But back to your question, it’s simple. ♡ When you responded to my post, you said _we_ have to fight. And suddenly I no longer felt so alone. You really inspired me that day! And for what it’s worth, I’m glad we could become friends. ♡]

_Friends…_

[Ah!! I hope it’s okay for me to say that! Please ignore it if it isn’t! I’ll boil myself alive to repent! _:(´□`」 ∠):_ ]

[There’s no need to apologize, Rabu-Han.]  
[I think of you as my friend, too.]

[I’m so happy to hear that!!! o(*^▽^*)o Talking to you is really Ravely. ♡♡ And I hope someday you'll feel like telling me about what dream it is you’re chasing.]

[Yeah. Someday.]

And so, after that initial awkwardness, a true friendship began to blossom between the two boys. It became Kohaku’s custom to log onto his computer every night, often when his parents were asleep and he should have been as well. He knew it was eating into his health, eating into his studies and his concentration, but somehow… he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t even have the energy to feel guilty, since talking with Rabu always filled him with such joy. Getting to go to school, go shopping, play sports, go to the park. These were all the mundane things Rabu took for granted. But for Kohaku they represented a vivid and fantastical world. He came to learn a lot about him, too. The real boy behind the screen. As luck would have it they ended up being the same age. And like himself, Rabu had difficulty making friends and with his studies. But his dedication to his idol work was top-tier. His dream was to get into the prestigious Yumenosaki Academy and no matter the rejections from other agencies and schools he chased that dream no matter what. Kohaku would talk about his own life as well. Though, of course, he blurred out the unpleasant details around the edge. “My family is very well off, and as the firstborn son, I’m expected to take over.” “I don’t get to leave our mansion much.” Rabu was fascinated by all the stories of life at the upper crust. “You really have servants to do everything for you!?” “Well, not _everything_ , but…” “Do you get to go to fancy parties!? And on lavish vacations!? How Ravely~” Kohaku decided to do his best to let Rabu live in that fantasy. To let him believe that his life was one of masquerade balls and five star cuisine. For the simple fact that it made him happy. And Kohaku liked him best that way.

“Hey. Your grades are lower than ever. Are you some kind of idiot? Or is this the extent of your gratitude to us?”

His father was glaring at him from across the dinner table. Kohaku had nowhere to run but the salad he was pushing around his plate.

“I’m sorry, father, I’ll—“

“I’m sorry is all you ever have to say! If you’re really sorry you’ll start showing us results!” His mother snapped. Kohaku could only nod miserably.

“Your history tutor told us that you froze like a deer in headlights when all you had to do was give a simple presentation.”

“And your society instructor mentioned that you somehow managed to knock down three tables and break a vase during dance lessons.”

They were right.

He was…  
Hopeless.

“I think it’s about time you show more respect to this family. Or else how do you expect to proudly show yourself as the Oukawa head? Remember, we’re not the only ones you have to represent. The Suou family is also counting on us!”

 _Suou…cousin Tsukasa……_  
If he didn’t get his act together, would he ever get to see him again?

“Kohaku. Go outside. To the courtyard. Now.”

His father’s words surprised him to the point Kohaku sharply looked up, his eyes happening to meet his mother’s. And even in her face, for just a moment, was reflected back a flash of fear.

“Father, what do you—“

“Go! The Suou family is a military family, and we are the ones meant to support them. This worthless son of ours couldn’t even lead a dog to food, let alone become a useful tool. It’s time we get serious about his training.”

“I’ll be…outside then...”

That night was the first in months that Kohaku didn’t log on to chat with Rabu.  
He couldn’t.  
It hurt too much to stay awake.

[You’ve been online less and less. Is something wrong?]

It didn’t take his friend long to pick up on the change. Even when Kohaku could respond they were usually short, vapid replies. Supportive of whatever audition Rabu was trying next. Telling him not to give up, that he had at least one person cheering for him. And then he’d be gone.

[It’s nothing. I’ve just had extra work to do for school.]

[Okay, as long as you’re doing well! Keep up the effort! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o And I will too. ♡♡♡]

_Every day Rabu-han is fighting desperately for his dream. He never lets a failure get him down, at least not for long. So I, too, must—_

“Kohaku! Is that really the extent of what you can do!?”

He was panting hard, his nose filled with the wry scent of dirt. Pebbles pressing into his cheek. But he couldn’t get up.

“I’m sorry, father, I can’t—“

“I don’t want to hear it! An Oukawa doesn’t say ‘can’t’! He simply performs!”

Breaths short and raspy, he pulled himself to his knees before assuming the position.

“20 more push-ups or no dinner tonight. It’s clear we’ve been coddling you too much. Until you show us your gratitude I’ll have no choice but to make it clear just how much we have given you!”

“One!” Kohaku weakly cried out, his elbows bending as he lowered his chest to the ground. But instead of straightening back up they broke and he, once again, collapsed.

“Pathetic.”

All the energy he could muster dragged his eyes to his father’s gaze. A silhouette of pure disappointment against the blaze of the setting sun. 

“Go to your room. I expect to see better results than this tomorrow.”

“Yes…father……”

And then his face was filled by dirt once more.

A few hours later, after he had showered and cleaned off the filth of mud and sweat, his fingers tracing bruises and cuts and scrapes that may one day form scars, Kohaku sat down in front of the computer. After all, it was the only thing that gave him hope. The thing that pushed him to keep chasing his formless, hopeless dream.

[Today was the trial audition for Yumenosaki, right? How did it go?]

For once there was no message waiting for him so Kohaku took the lead. Rabu had been hyping up this “trial audition” for weeks. Apparently it was like a portfolio review for idols, where he could learn about his weak points in time to improve for the real entrance exam. And since attending Yumenosaki was the important first step on the path to Rabu’s dream, it was something he had been diligently practicing for.

_No reply…_

Kohaku sighed, deciding to browse some other pages instead. There was a new tea shop that had opened not far from him. The photos online gave it such a peaceful, calming atmosphere. It would be nice to go there someday.

Before he retired for the night he decided to check his messages one last time. He was happy to see that Rabu had replied, though that happiness was short lived.

[It doesn’t matter. It’s not like it has anything to do with the real admissions exam, anyways.]

The lack of hearts or emotes was slightly worrying. Kohaku was exhausted, even just sitting at his computer chair caused his joints to ache. But it was obvious that Rabu needed him. Every day he was the one who borrowed Rabu’s positivity and strength. This was the least he could do to repay him.

[No matter what they said, I think you’re really amazing. I hope you know that.]

[Why though? Why do you always have such kind words!? You haven’t seen me perform. You don’t know how hopeless it is!]

The strength of the message took Kohaku aback. He hadn’t heard Rabu be so negative before…

[It isn’t hopeless. Dancing and singing are skills like any other. People don’t just magically inherit them, they learn. And with all the effort you put into it, you’ll learn someday as well!]

_It’s not like your dream requires you to be born with something…something you’ll never have……_

[You’re wrong! To become a top idol, to stand in front of the world and bring smiles to everyone, that takes a real genius! But no matter how hard I try it’s not like I can become a Jin Sagami or Wataru Hibiki. I’ll always just be a stupid, useless, ugly nobody!]

_Rabu-han…_

What had happened at that audition? What could they have possibly said to make him think this way!?

[That’s not true. Every day you work to improve. The audition doesn’t go your way, you laugh it off and try ten times as hard the next time! You’re growing so wonderfully that it’s only obvious that someday you’ll bloom! Don’t you know, for someone like me, you’re an idol already!?]

“Kohaku!”

The door banged open causing him to jump so hard he fell out of his chair.

“M-Mother!?”

“Your father told me he sent you to your room for punishment. And yet here you are happily typing away when you should be reflecting on your mistakes!”

He hurriedly clambered back up, his fingers instinctively lowering the laptop screen. But it was too late. His mother strode across the room, ripping the computer from his hands.

“No! Please mother, I’m sorry! I won’t abuse it anymore, so—“

“I knew it was a mistake letting you keep such a thing in your room. We thought it would be good for your studies but it’s only been a hindrance. Don’t you know your father and I monitor the internet usage in this house? It’s time you took a break.”

And with that she was gone, taking his only connection to Rabu with her.

“Mother…please……”

That’s right. Unlike Rabu, no matter how hard he tried, he had no way to fight for his dream. Because he was born useless. He could never become someone worthy enough for his parents to proudly call their son.

And having nothing else to do, he let the tears fall down.

From that moment on Kohaku’s internet usage was greatly restricted and monitored. He was dying to speak to Rabu again, to let him know that his absence wasn’t his fault, to explain everything once and for all. But he had to bide his time. Get back on track. Get back in his parents’ good graces. Having nothing else to do but study and practice he did begin to improve, though only marginally. There were just some things that he couldn’t help but struggle with, no matter how earnestly he tried. And his father’s training wore on.

Finally, one day, he was assigned a research project and his computer was handed back to him. He had been doing well so, as he had hoped, their restriction was lax. Peering nervously over the laptop edge he could see his tutor browsing a book, her attention far away. This was his chance.

Adrenaline beginning to build, he hurriedly opened the site where his conversations with Rabu remained. Unlike the last time there were only a few unread messages.

[Thank you. For everything.]  
[Are you okay?]  
[I miss you.]

He didn’t have time to go through them all. So he just typed.

[Hey. Sorry for disappearing. My parents took away my computer, so I can’t talk to you as much anymore. Just know that, no matter what happens, I’ll be cheering you on, okay? You’ll always be my friend, Rabu-han.]

He pushed send and quickly exited out of the page, not knowing if it would be the last time he ever spoke to him.

Luckily, it was not.

For the rest of that day he kept waiting for something to happen, for it all to come crashing down on his head. But nothing. No one had discovered his secret trip to the message board. And the next day he was allowed computer time again. As soon as his tutor wasn’t looking he went straight to Rabu. And just like always, there was a reply waiting there.

[Ah! I’m so happy to hear from you (´ヮ`) I was so worried! (,,꒪꒫꒪,,) Are things with your family okay??]

Just reading those simple words put a smile on Kohaku’s face. His heart feeling lighter already.

[Not really, but I’ll be fine. More importantly, are you doing better? You were so down the other day, I was the worried one!]

[To be honest, I don’t know. But it’s really good to hear from you again. (^ _ ^)]

Rabu wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

As the project dragged on Kohaku was given more and more time to use the computer for “research.” Of course he was working hard on the paper, too, but every time he was given the chance he’d log on and talk to Rabu. There was something exciting about these covert meetings. Even knowing that at any time they could end.

Was this truly a betrayal of his family? He knew he was doing what he wasn’t supposed to, but… the times he was happiest was when he got to chat online. Surely there was a way he could balance both, right? Loyalty to his family and loyalty to his friend? And perhaps, just maybe… loyalty to himself……

But as he put the final touches on his research paper he began to realize that his days reunited with Rabu were drawing to a close. He had no idea when he’d be able to talk with him again. Surely he’d find a way, though it might be a while. And that ‘while’ could be a very long time. 

The night before he finished his paper he stayed awake for hours, his gaze as lost in the darkness of the ceiling as his mind.

It was time to tell him.

The next day when he was handed his computer he acknowledged that he had just a few things left on the project to check. While his tutor went to go back to her reading, he opened up his messages to Rabu one last time.

[Hey, remember when I said that someday I’d tell you my dream? The truth is that even though I’m my family’s eldest son, it’s hopeless for me to ever take over as the family head. It’s hard for me to relate to people, and I’m not as smart nor as strong as my sister. My parents are constantly disappointed in me, even though I think I’m trying my best. I want to show them that I’m grateful for the life and opportunities they’ve given me, I want to show them that I’m capable of being their successor! But it’s hard. I’ve always felt that once I proved myself I could finally leave this place. They would trust me enough that I could go outside and shop, make friends, visit my cousin. But I don’t know if I’ll ever reach that point. Sometimes I think they’ll finally get tired of trying and throw me away. Maybe sometimes I hope they…  
Anyways, I might not be able to talk to you for a while, so I wanted you to know. I’ll miss you, and take care.]

Feeling a bit heady after finally coming clean, Kohaku threw himself into finishing his paper. He was actually proud of this one. And if he got a good grade on it, it would be proof. Proof to himself that he could be a good son while still having Rabu in his life.

In unusually high spirits, he checked the message board one last time before logging off. To his surprise there was already a response.

[I’m so sorry to hear that! (v︵v) I think you’re plenty good as a son already, just for trying this hard. !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ ]

Rabu was attempting to cheer him up but Kohaku could only respond with a wry grin. For Rabu, simply trying his hardest was one thing. As for himself…

But there was more to the message, so he kept reading.

[But are you sure that’s what you really want?]

_What?_

[You don’t need your parents’ approval to go outside and make friends. I’m your proof of that! ♡ Maybe they’re the ones who don’t deserve you! And what you really want is to be free.]

“Oukawa-han, are you done with your paper yet?”

“Y-Yes Teacher!”

In a panic he clicked out of the window and slammed the laptop shut. Before immediately having to open it back up to properly submit his work. Though the truth was that Rabu’s words had rattled him to the core.

_I don’t want my parent’s approval…? But all I’ve ever wanted was to become the next Oukawa head!_

From the start that’s the reason he had been born, all he had ever lived for. Trapped inside the mansion’s impossibly high walls. Fighting for the power to prove himself. Prove himself so that he could…

_Leave._

That evening Kohaku stood in the garden. He had avoided it since his “special training” with his father had begun, since the space had now taken on a meaning that he didn’t want to dwell upon. But for once he had decided to push the fresh wound of those memories to the back of his mind. Recalling how, as a child, he had stood in this exact same spot. Shielded from the view of the main house by a grove of flowers and trees enough that he could close his eyes and pretend he was in another world. He’d stare up at the wall and imagine what life was like beyond it. A life he had barely had a few threadbare glimpses of. The life his cousin had tried to show him that day when he took his hand and ran away with him into the park.

Maybe Rabu was right. He had never wanted to own this place. He had wanted to be rid of it.

_Rabu..._  
_.._  
_._

“I’m sorry, but the paper you submitted was a disgrace.”

“What? But I—“ 

Kohaku was sitting in front of his teacher, the expectant glow in his eyes as he thought that maybe, finally, he had done something that would earn some praise extinguished immediately.

“I thought your studies were finally going well, so I asked your parents. They went through the search history on your laptop and found you’ve been frequenting a chat site. I believe you’ll be hearing from them about that soon.”

Kohaku remained suspended in a stunned silence, his tutor’s words not fully registering. He had slacked off a bit to talk with Rabu, but he had worked hard on that paper! He had done everything they had asked him to! But it still…wasn’t enough……

Maybe the balance he had found the slightest hope in really was impossible.

His mother had made him sit in the painful kneeling position as she yelled. She had deleted his account from that site and installed a program that would greatly restrict which places on the internet he could or couldn’t go. It was as if the only candle in a large, dark cavern had been snuffed out. His single connection to the person he knew as “Rabu” forever lost. And along with it any foolishness about hopes and dreams.

_This is what I deserve. Of course. Didn’t I always know it would play out like this? And they’re right. Mother…father…my tutors. Spending time online was just wasting my youth. Rabu really was a bad influence, wasn’t he?_

But if that were true, then why were tears starting to form in his eyes? Tears which caused his mother to draw her hand across his face. He winced, but it was far from the first time.

“I can’t believe you! No matter what we do you’ll always be a pathetic, ungrateful child! If only your sister had been born a boy. She’s the only one worthy of carrying the Oukawa name.”

_She’s right._

Kohaku sat like that for a long time. Even after his mother had already left.

 _She’s right._  
_She’s right._  
_She’s right._

That night he sat at the desk where the spot his computer should be had left a slightly discolored outline on the wood. In its place was an elegant piece of stationary over which he poised a pen. It was time to write Rabu one last message. One which he would, of course, never read. But one that Kohaku still felt he had to write.

_Rabu-han, for a brief moment you showed me a dream. Just like how those idols you always go on about inspired you, you inspired me. That world which you talked about, though, it’s really too far for me to go. But I’ll never forget that you were the one who showed it to me. It’s funny, but all those times we talked I never told you that it's also my cousin’s goal to become an idol. I never understood it. I thought he was being frivolous despite being born with everything I was not. But you helped me understand. Being an idol is a wonderful thing. I can’t follow you there, but I’ll be cheering you on. Both of you. And maybe someday I will see you performing on stage, and I’ll know that at least one of us could achieve their dream._

_I wish I could have gone with you. There were times where you swept me along so far into your pace that I thought that I, too, wouldn’t mind being an idol._

_But that’s not where I belong._

_ This is my dream. _

The words began to swirl as water fell upon the ink, crinkling the page.

_I belong here, in this house._

_Where I’ll never be free._

**Author's Note:**

> The lore probably doesn't line up since there's still a lot I have to learn about these characters but my friends and I made a pact to bring more Kohaira to this world.
> 
> Also in the pact:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24459952  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24463810/chapters/59040646


End file.
